Changing orbits

A Facebook Mama I greatly respect shared how she has had some unexpected changes in her life that hurt more than she thought. She mentioned specifically Sunday evenings, when she and her now-college-girl used to hang out together. It was their bonding time. She was surprised at how much she missed her at a specific time of the day/week.

Commenters responded to her post with all kinds of "FIX IT" suggestions. Some were condescending ("go rent a movie with your spouse") while others were just empathetic. 

Ahem. NOTE TO MY READERS: I do NOT need suggestions on "how to get through this." That is what I am doing, thankyouverymuch. I DO appreciate simple prayers and virtual hugs. Condescending BS I don't need.

As you were...

No, the most helpful comment someone gave her (in my opinion) was when someone posted an essay by Beverly Beckham.  She talked about how she was so emotionally impacted by her children growing up and moving out, and her husband's lack of understanding. "They'll come back" was his response. Yes. But. It is not the same.

Facebook Mama liked this post. And so did I.

I had grappled with how to explain this feeling of world-shifting change in my heart. It was just a ripple with our older daughter 5 years ago. But this year with "the baby" going to college... it was catatrophic emotionally. Which felt really stupid until I read Ms. Beckham's words...

I was the sun and they were the planets. And there was life on those planets, whirling, non stop plans and parties and friends coming and going, and ideas and dreams and the phone ringing and doors slamming. 

And I got to beam down on them. To watch. To glow. 

And then they were gone, one after the other. 

"They'll be back," my husband said. And he was right. They came back. But he was wrong, too, because they came back for intervals -- not for always, not planets anymore, making their predictable orbits, but unpredictable, like shooting stars.

This is the dilemma. Their orbits have changed, their gravitational pull takes them away from us and onto new ventures.

This is as it should be. 

This is also excruciating.

And I am learning to accept both.