More damn firsts...

Feel free to skip this post. I need to write it anyway.

Laundry

I did all of our laundry in 3 loads. What.

School started

I didn't need to get up for the bus drop-off or have my phone near by for the "I'm home" text. And going to the store, even the damn PET SUPPLY STORE, had signs for "back-to-school". And there were excited kids and tired parents everywhere. And I wanted to stop the parent and say, "TREASURE THIS!!! One day it goes away and you don't get to take your kids to buy school supplies!"

Groceries

I think this one hit me the hardest.

Last night I went to the grocery store for the first time to do a "real" shop (not just pick up bread and milk and eggs etc). And I realized how much of what I usually buy is because "she likes to make french bread pizzas after school" or "she loves to make nachos."And all that stuff didn't get put in my cart. And there was really nothing I needed to buy other than bread and milk and eggs...

And I got through the check out, to the car and then cried all the way home. Thank God it was dark and I could drive down my street without anyone seeing my tears.

Mealtimes

Did I mention how much I don't like cooking? And now there's only two of us at the table?

Activities

I was the chauffeur (until driver's licenses). But after that, I still kept the master schedule. My life's work means there are plenty of meetings, phone calls and evenings taken up by "life." I fit it around my family's lives, and all was well. A little hectic maybe at times, but we flexed. 

Then I started filling out the activities on my monthly white board... and most days are empty. I discovered that I don't have a life outside of work. And it bothers me. I'm trying not to wallow here, but I don't want to take up pottery making or something, just so I have something to do. That's not the point. I don't know who I am or what I want to do.

Here's the reality, one that brings me to tears... 

There isn't one damn routine in my life that is the same. I'm punching my ticket on this one, but God above, I hate it.